Oops, I did it again!
Today is the first anniversary of my surgery for my first broken wrist. I broke my left wrist on March 7, 2020 and on March 11 had a plate and some screws put in to repair the fracture. I posted this blog 8 weeks after that surgery to address getting over the fear of returning to running (or any activity that resulted in trauma). So, it is a year after that surgery. I eventually did get back to running on trails. As a matter of fact, I did several trail races as I trained for my first Ultra Marathon, a 50K trail race, which I completed on December 5, 2020. It should have been exhilarating to do my first Ultra, but about 5 miles before the end of the race, I tripped and fell. Guess what? I broke my right wrist! I saw the same surgeon, had the same procedure, even the went to the same occupational therapist. This one didn’t seem to heal as quickly, and my progress seems slower, but I am much better. Unfortunately, I’m back to facing that same fear. Do I give up trail running? I love it so! I’m still working through that and running on the road for now. I decided to re-post this blog. What follows is my blog from May of 2020.
Fear. I have it, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. On March 7, I was running in a 30 K trail race and was only ½ mile from the finish when I tripped and fell. After miles of difficult terrain, I was on a relatively smooth part of the trail and happily running towards the finish line (and pizza and beer). Just ahead of me was a race photographer, and just behind me was my friend and running coach. I remember looking up at the photographer (that was my mistake), and I remember hearing my friend say “oh, no!’ as I fell over. As soon as I stood up and saw my wrist flop over, I knew it was broken.
I am actually very lucky. It was my left wrist, and I am right-handed. It didn’t happen in the middle of the race, which would have required me to walk 10 miles holding my wrist. It wasn’t a leg or ankle injury, which would have resulted in being air evacuated. I was taken to an urgent care facility quickly, I saw a surgeon 2 days later and had surgery 2 days after that. My surgery went well, and I’m recovering nicely.
Now, I’m dealing with the fear of getting back to trail running. It’s been eight weeks since my surgery and I am running, but it has been a struggle. I feel fine on the road, but the trails make me nervous. Here are 10 things to consider for dealing with this kind of fear, based on my own experience. Keep in mind that I am not a doctor or mental health professional, so please seek help from the pros if you are unable to overcome your injury or manage your fears.
- Fear is OK. It is a normal response to things that are dangerous to us. When the fear becomes paralyzing or when we fear things that are not very likely to happen, we might benefit from professional help. Fear after falling or sustaining a running injury like shin splints or plantar fasciitis is justifiable, in my opinion. First, it can happen again. Second, it can be a good thing if it forces you to return to running gradually and cautiously.
- Follow your doctor’s orders and your physical therapist’s orders. This seems obvious if you have injured your ankle or knee, but even a wrist injury can be exacerbated by running. When I was told I could start running again, 3 weeks after my surgery and after the stitches were removed, my doctor said I might feel pain from normal arm movement and I should stop if did. (He also made me promise not to fall).
- Remember that you are not defined by running. As much as you want to run again, it’s OK to take time off, and it’s necessary to take time off if you are injured. It’s even OK if you never go back to running, although most runners don’t want to think about that.
- Pay attention to negative self-talk. When you find yourself thinking “I’m going to fall again,” turn that into “I’m being cautious so that I can enjoy running” or “isn’t it great to be back on the trail again?” You can practice meditations that focus on positive affirmations and intentions. Don’t chastise yourself when the negative thoughts appear, just replace them with positive ones.
- When you feel ready (mentally), make yourself go out with no expectations. Take a “see what happens” attitude. On my first few trail excursions, I decided not to force myself to run. Instead, I walked the first time. The next time, I ran for very short distances. You might want to try this strategy: walk, then walk/run, then run/walk and finally just run! I am still working on increasing the running time. It’s OK; I will get there!
- Focus on your form. (I practice Chi Running, which is a great way to run safely and minimize running injuries. For information, check out my coach’s site here.) Watch your posture, keep your strides short, imagine yourself being light on your feet, lift your feet, relax your ankles, keep your core engaged. Focus on where you are placing your feet, seeking out the open spaces and not rocks or roots. One of the great things about running on trails is the scenery. Stop, look around and enjoy the views but don’t look around while you are running. At least for me, that doesn’t work.
- Stay in shape for running. Don’t forget your strength training, cross training, stretching and foam rolling. Remember to loosen up and warm up properly before you walk or run.
- If you do feel pain in your injury site while running, stop. You may not be fully recovered, or you may be re-injuring yourself. Take it easy until you can run pain free, and see your doctor if it continues.
- If you miss racing, sign up for a virtual race. As I am writing this post, races have been canceled or postponed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It sucks, but there are tons of virtual races that you can do. In a virtual race, you sign up for a distance and run it on your own wherever you like. Many of them will still earn you a shirt or a finisher medal, and while it’s not the same, it might be a good way to get yourself back into race mode while you are recovering and regaining confidence. There’s no peer pressure or crowds.
- Talk to others about your fears. Sometimes you need to get help from a professional, whether it’s a running coach or a mental health professional (if your fear is debilitating). Other times, expressing your fear to friends and family is enough. Admitting that you are feeling afraid is OK. It’s OK to be vulnerable. Fear is real and you don’t need to hide it. You will probably find that others share your fear or have worked through the same thing. Runners fall and runners get injuries, so you are definitely not alone.
As long as I’m admitting my fears, I’m also scared of rattlesnakes on the trail! Maybe that will be another post…